Paul McCartney -- Wonderful Christmastime
Seriously, what the hell was Sir Paul thinking here? There is not one part of this song that is good. There really not much else to say, except that Paul McCartney should get punched in the nuts by the Queen every December 25th. On TV.
You've brought shame upon God and country, Mr. McCartney. You're no better than Ringo now.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
1 (out of 10) -- Good god, from the sleigh bells to the synthesizer to the people going "ding dong ding," this thing is a tsunami of lame. Can Santa take gifts back?
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
1 (out of 10) -- Not that you have a choice. Classic rock radio and shopping mall PA systems will make so that you HAVE to listen to this trainwreck at least once a year. Because, you know, Beatles.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
6 (out of 10) -- Well, I guess it is about Christmas. You did something right, Pauly boy.
Total Score: 2.667
Christmas Present Equivalent: A corn cob pipe, a button, and two eyes made out of coal.
Play this one when you want the Christmas party to end.