Troy Hess -- "Christmas On The Moon"
I have to be honest -- I can't understand 80% of what this kid is saying. Apparently, "all the kids/talkin' 'bout/Christmas on the moon." And some stuff about a dream and Santa and Rudolph, but seriously it's like a 5-year-old Huckleberry Hound is talking to you on a broken telephone, with a bad connection, in a big echo-y bathroom, and he's standing ten feet away from the phone. Also he's wearing a mask and eating a banana.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
6 (out of 10) -- Serious points for (1) just being the kid without some smarmy choir backing him up and (2) having no elves (I think). Plus, the guitar player rules. But, minus points because seriously kid, you are freaking unintelligible.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
6 (out of 10) -- I could pretty much listen all day just to hear the kid say "Christmas-on-the mOOOOn." Why wasn't this unintelligible kid a superstar?
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
7 (out of 10) -- No idea! He says Christmas and Santa a lot, I think he mentions Rudolph, and is there something in there about an Uncle Charlie Brown? Let's give Troy "Marble Mouth" Hess the benefit of the doubt on this one, ok?
Total Score: 6.333
Christmas Present Equivalent: Some pretty sweet Legos.
Christmas on the mOOOOn!!