Bobby Goldsboro -- Look Around You (It's Christmastime)
One Mister Bobby Goldsboro is indignant and pissed and also maybe a little crazy, and brother he is going to let you know about it. This song is the musical equivalent of sitting next to your uncle at Christmas dinner as he tells you all of the things Sean Hannity said is wrong with Christmas these days. Only he’s singing it at you. And it rhymes. However, both versions (Bobby Goldsboro and your uncle) have a mean mustache, and that goes a long way in this topsy-turvy.
So Crazy Sidewalk Preacher Goldsboro’s chief complaints appear to be as follows: drinking, plastic trees and drinking while not decorating plastic trees, complying with local parking laws to the detriment of handicapped pencil-salesmen, lack of church attendance among insomniacs, and also drinking (specifically rum, and, more specifically, so much rum that you can’t afford to buy toys for your children).
People, can’t you understand that these things are urgently mildly important?? (Except for the last one. I’m with Bobby there -- that one seems bad).
And all this from a dude who had a minor hit with "Me Japanese Boy, Me Love You."
Look around you, Bobby. Look around you, indeed.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
4 (out of 10) -- Bobby takes a hit here for using the oh-so subtle tinkly-tinkle piano "Silent Night" intro and outro ("HEY! THIS SONG IS ABOUT CHRISTMAS!"). Boo to that noise.
That said, this song kicks out as hard an edge as may be possible for a song that takes such a defiant stance against Santa-drinking, which pushes it to just under the half-way mark.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
5 (out of 10) -- I recognize that my own predilections towards schmaltz rock make me as handicapped as a one-armed beggar selling pencils in telling whether any sensible person would actually want to listen to this song a second time. Let's call it a push at "5."
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
8 (out of 10) -- Santa? Check. Tree? Check. Holly? Check. Silent Night intro? Check. Booze? Check. Parking meter? Erm...
Total Score: 5.667
Christmas Present Equivalent: A Mickey Mouse piggy bank and clock.
Preach on, Brother Bobby -- let's go buy some pencils.