Augie Rios -- "Donde Esta Santa Claus?"
Special Super B-Side Bonus: Augie Rios -- "Old Fatso"
A little Hispanic boy, who may or may not be blind (not clear), pleads with his mother to produce Santa, or at least let him know when they should be expecting him. Why? He only answers cryptically, "Eet's Chreestmus Eeeeve." Also, in another song, he doesn't believe in him until he does and some lame dudes sing-talk about the story of the song like we aren't listening to it.
Going back to Donde Esta, apparently, the unfortunately bilingual boy has somehow been gravely misinformed as to the name and ethnicity of Santa's reindeer (they're German, Augie). Plus, something about castanets and ole and blah blah blah.
The opening of this song, however, reminds me of an early episode of Charles in Charge where we learn that you can cha-cha to any song by going, "1-2-cha-cha-cha" (which was matched with the killer line, "One-two-I-need-you-three-four-cha-cha-Charles!" Classic).
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
5 (out of 10) -- This song is annoying, sure, but it is fun to go to your Mom on Christmas and keep saying, "Mamasita, donde esta Santa Claus?" until she goes "Stephen, you are seriously too old this nonsense" and then you say "I hope he don't forget to bring his castanets!" And you wouldn't be able to do that without it, so it's a push.
Also, telling Ol Fatso to get his reindeer off your roof is a pretty sweet thing.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
5 (out of 10) -- See above.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
4 (out of 10) -- I'm pretty sure they don't have Christmas in Cuba or Spain or Mexico or whatever so points off for accuracy.
Total Score: 5.667
Christmas Present Equivalent: A Kid-Spy Kit with Disguise and Binoculars
Ok Mama, I go sleep now.