Barry Gordon -- "Zoomah the Santa Claus from Mars"
So, I suppose when a drunk music producer wonders what it would be like to get the weird neighbor kid with the speech impediment to come over and sing a song, this is the song that happens. Zoomah, you see, is the Santa Claus from Mars and blah blah blah are you frigging kidding me?
Question, though: why is the Earth control tower at the beginning communicating so calmly with the Santa Claus from Mars? I'd be freaking out.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
2 (out of 10) -- This song is just weird as hell, but it should be able to coast on its sheer oddness. Unfortunately, it's really hurt by the interlude with far the too wholesome and clean-cut sounding male singers who kick in around the half-way mark. Blech.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
6 (out of 10) -- Well, I mean, geez, Mars has a Santa? Tell me more, Barry Gordon.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
5 (out of 10) -- This one really straddles the line. It's about a Santa Claus, but, I mean, seriously, this song is not about a Santa Claus at all.
Total Score: 4.333
Christmas Present Equivalent: One micro machine.