Four Seasons -- "Jungle Bells"
This song begins with the easily contradicted premise that "Christmas presents come to everybody, everywhere." And that's probably the intellectual high-point.
You see, instead of behaving like would normally be expected and singing an acapella version of Rudolph or something (oh just imagine that it were!), the Four Seasons decided, against everyone's better judgment, to go ahead and make up a Animal Santa Claus. Sigh. Animal Santa Claus, I guess, employs an elephant sleigh (whatever that means) and gives superficially relevant presents to "jungle" animals. I mean, an ice cream mountain for the polar bear? Do polar bears like ice cream? Says who? (And just let's ignore the fact that polar bears don't live in jungles, ok?) Also, for some reason, a camel hair coat for the camel. Sigh.
But mostly this song exists for the Four Seasons to make lame monkey and bird noises and just be generally annoying. Pogo stick for the kangaroo?? You guys are too much.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
3 (out of 10) -- Ding-o dong-o day? Stop that, Four Seasons. It is not cute.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
3 (out of 10) -- I dunno, maybe kids would like this. Like foreign kids with really low standards who are also deaf.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
4 (out of 10) -- Animal Santa Claus is just not a thing, but presents are, so 4.
Total Score: 3.667
Christmas Present Equivalent: An 8 pack of crayons.