Claudine Longet -- "I Don't Intend to Spend Christmas Without You"
As the Christmas songs about jilted lovers on the brink of insanity go, this is one of them! Seemingly, Longet's boyfriend went away and isn't coming back, but said ex-boyfriend's opinion on the matter appears inconsequential. So what if they had a fight (what of it?) and he wasn't even right (WHAT OF IT?)! (I bet the fellas know what she's talkin' bout -- am I right fellas hey-OH!) Here I am, proclaims Claudine, and I ain't even leaving till you call the cops. Also, merry Christmas?
Also, one time Claudine Longet shot and killed her boyfriend, so, um, I guess she means this stuff guys.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
6 (out of 10) -- The song rocks the swinging 60s vibe, but the la-la-la-la background stuff is pretty lame. Still, not so much so that I'm going to dock it more than a few points.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
7 (out of 10) -- As I said, I dig it.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
5 (out of 10) -- "Now I'm alone, and Christmas is coming too" makes the Christmas bit seem a little like an after-thought. Still, Christmas is in the title, so it's a push.
Total Score: 6
Christmas Present Equivalent: A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (but not Michelangelo).