The Pogues -- "Fairytale of New York"
"I could've been someone." "Well so could anyone." Oof, oucherz.
And that's 25 songs! Merry Chistmas, everybody!
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
10 (out of 10) -- I'll punch your mouth.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
10 (out of 10) -- May be my favorite of all time.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
10 (out of 10) -- Who hasn't spent Christmas Eve in the drunk tank? It is a song that is relevant to us all!
Total Score: 10
Christmas Present Equivalent: G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier
Merry Christmas, your arse.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Day 19 -- Various, Gettin' to 24
Ok, so we gotta to 25 by tomorrow, so here's four awesome songs:
Detroit Junior -- "Christmas Day"
The Moonglows -- "Hey, Santa Claus"
Butterbeans and Susie -- "Papa Ain't No Santa Claus (and Mama Ain't No Christmastree)"
The Harmony Grits -- "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
Detroit Junior -- "Christmas Day"
The Moonglows -- "Hey, Santa Claus"
Butterbeans and Susie -- "Papa Ain't No Santa Claus (and Mama Ain't No Christmastree)"
The Harmony Grits -- "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Day 18 -- James Brown, "Soulful Christmas"
James Brown -- "Soulful Christmas'
James Brown informs us all that people like us don't grow on trees. Also, he thanks us for buying his records and coming to see his show. Also, sometimes it sounds like he is talking to his lady, but it is never quite sure when he switches. But, he loves you!
Also, he gets this feeling, every now and then, he's gotta ring the New Year in. Every now and then? You mean, like, at New Year's, James?
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
10 (out of 10) -- Like James Brown could be annoying.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
10 (out of 10) -- It's like a sweet melody.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
6 (out of 10) -- Haha -- once again, not really!
Total Score: 8
Christmas Present Equivalent: Led Zeppelin boxed set.
Remember -- James Brown loves you, you lucky so-and-so.
James Brown informs us all that people like us don't grow on trees. Also, he thanks us for buying his records and coming to see his show. Also, sometimes it sounds like he is talking to his lady, but it is never quite sure when he switches. But, he loves you!
Also, he gets this feeling, every now and then, he's gotta ring the New Year in. Every now and then? You mean, like, at New Year's, James?
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
10 (out of 10) -- Like James Brown could be annoying.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
10 (out of 10) -- It's like a sweet melody.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
6 (out of 10) -- Haha -- once again, not really!
Total Score: 8
Christmas Present Equivalent: Led Zeppelin boxed set.
Remember -- James Brown loves you, you lucky so-and-so.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Day 17 -- Various, "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Dean Martin and Doris Day -- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong -- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Marah -- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Ok guys, it's the big week, so we're posting Christmas songs I really do like! Here's three awesome versions of one of my absolute favorites -- "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is an age-old primer for dudes in trying to get a lady to make messies with you. And for ladies, it's a primer in how to make it seem like you don't want to make messies, but really do.
Next time, don't bring up your maiden aunt, though, ok? There's a reason she's still single, and she kinda kills the mood. Now put some records on while I pour.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
10 (out of 10) -- Ain't one thing annoying about any of these.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
10 (out of 10) -- I just wish I was allowed to listen to it all year long.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
5 (out of 10) -- Unfortunately, it has NOTHING to do with Christmas. Dammit.
Total Score: 8.333
Christmas Present Equivalent: Optimus Prime
Say, what's in this drink??
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong -- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Marah -- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Ok guys, it's the big week, so we're posting Christmas songs I really do like! Here's three awesome versions of one of my absolute favorites -- "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is an age-old primer for dudes in trying to get a lady to make messies with you. And for ladies, it's a primer in how to make it seem like you don't want to make messies, but really do.
Next time, don't bring up your maiden aunt, though, ok? There's a reason she's still single, and she kinda kills the mood. Now put some records on while I pour.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
10 (out of 10) -- Ain't one thing annoying about any of these.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
10 (out of 10) -- I just wish I was allowed to listen to it all year long.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
5 (out of 10) -- Unfortunately, it has NOTHING to do with Christmas. Dammit.
Total Score: 8.333
Christmas Present Equivalent: Optimus Prime
Say, what's in this drink??
Friday, December 19, 2008
Day 16 -- Big John Greer, "We Wanna See Santa Do The Mambo"
Big John Greer -- "We Wanna See Santa Do The Mambo"
Apparently, this guy wants to see Santa do the mambo. Um, a lot.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
4 (out of 10) -- Uh, it's pretty darn annoying...
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
6 (out of 10) -- ... but it kind of rules.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
2 (out of 10) -- It's really more about mambo, isn't it?
Total Score: 4
Christmas Present Equivalent: Smurf Colorforms set
Mambo, Santa Claus!
Apparently, this guy wants to see Santa do the mambo. Um, a lot.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
4 (out of 10) -- Uh, it's pretty darn annoying...
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
6 (out of 10) -- ... but it kind of rules.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
2 (out of 10) -- It's really more about mambo, isn't it?
Total Score: 4
Christmas Present Equivalent: Smurf Colorforms set
Mambo, Santa Claus!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Day 15 -- Claudine Longet, "I Don't Intend to Spend Christmas Without You"
Claudine Longet -- "I Don't Intend to Spend Christmas Without You"
As the Christmas songs about jilted lovers on the brink of insanity go, this is one of them! Seemingly, Longet's boyfriend went away and isn't coming back, but said ex-boyfriend's opinion on the matter appears inconsequential. So what if they had a fight (what of it?) and he wasn't even right (WHAT OF IT?)! (I bet the fellas know what she's talkin' bout -- am I right fellas hey-OH!) Here I am, proclaims Claudine, and I ain't even leaving till you call the cops. Also, merry Christmas?
Also, one time Claudine Longet shot and killed her boyfriend, so, um, I guess she means this stuff guys.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
6 (out of 10) -- The song rocks the swinging 60s vibe, but the la-la-la-la background stuff is pretty lame. Still, not so much so that I'm going to dock it more than a few points.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
7 (out of 10) -- As I said, I dig it.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
5 (out of 10) -- "Now I'm alone, and Christmas is coming too" makes the Christmas bit seem a little like an after-thought. Still, Christmas is in the title, so it's a push.
Total Score: 6
Christmas Present Equivalent: A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (but not Michelangelo).
As the Christmas songs about jilted lovers on the brink of insanity go, this is one of them! Seemingly, Longet's boyfriend went away and isn't coming back, but said ex-boyfriend's opinion on the matter appears inconsequential. So what if they had a fight (what of it?) and he wasn't even right (WHAT OF IT?)! (I bet the fellas know what she's talkin' bout -- am I right fellas hey-OH!) Here I am, proclaims Claudine, and I ain't even leaving till you call the cops. Also, merry Christmas?
Also, one time Claudine Longet shot and killed her boyfriend, so, um, I guess she means this stuff guys.
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
6 (out of 10) -- The song rocks the swinging 60s vibe, but the la-la-la-la background stuff is pretty lame. Still, not so much so that I'm going to dock it more than a few points.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
7 (out of 10) -- As I said, I dig it.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
5 (out of 10) -- "Now I'm alone, and Christmas is coming too" makes the Christmas bit seem a little like an after-thought. Still, Christmas is in the title, so it's a push.
Total Score: 6
Christmas Present Equivalent: A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (but not Michelangelo).
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Day 14 -- Augie Rios, "Donde Esta Santa Claus?"
Augie Rios -- "Donde Esta Santa Claus?"
Special Super B-Side Bonus: Augie Rios -- "Old Fatso"
A little Hispanic boy, who may or may not be blind (not clear), pleads with his mother to produce Santa, or at least let him know when they should be expecting him. Why? He only answers cryptically, "Eet's Chreestmus Eeeeve." Also, in another song, he doesn't believe in him until he does and some lame dudes sing-talk about the story of the song like we aren't listening to it.
Going back to Donde Esta, apparently, the unfortunately bilingual boy has somehow been gravely misinformed as to the name and ethnicity of Santa's reindeer (they're German, Augie). Plus, something about castanets and ole and blah blah blah.
The opening of this song, however, reminds me of an early episode of Charles in Charge where we learn that you can cha-cha to any song by going, "1-2-cha-cha-cha" (which was matched with the killer line, "One-two-I-need-you-three-four-cha-cha-Charles!" Classic).
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
5 (out of 10) -- This song is annoying, sure, but it is fun to go to your Mom on Christmas and keep saying, "Mamasita, donde esta Santa Claus?" until she goes "Stephen, you are seriously too old this nonsense" and then you say "I hope he don't forget to bring his castanets!" And you wouldn't be able to do that without it, so it's a push.
Also, telling Ol Fatso to get his reindeer off your roof is a pretty sweet thing.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
5 (out of 10) -- See above.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
4 (out of 10) -- I'm pretty sure they don't have Christmas in Cuba or Spain or Mexico or whatever so points off for accuracy.
Total Score: 5.667
Christmas Present Equivalent: A Kid-Spy Kit with Disguise and Binoculars
Ok Mama, I go sleep now.
Special Super B-Side Bonus: Augie Rios -- "Old Fatso"
A little Hispanic boy, who may or may not be blind (not clear), pleads with his mother to produce Santa, or at least let him know when they should be expecting him. Why? He only answers cryptically, "Eet's Chreestmus Eeeeve." Also, in another song, he doesn't believe in him until he does and some lame dudes sing-talk about the story of the song like we aren't listening to it.
Going back to Donde Esta, apparently, the unfortunately bilingual boy has somehow been gravely misinformed as to the name and ethnicity of Santa's reindeer (they're German, Augie). Plus, something about castanets and ole and blah blah blah.
The opening of this song, however, reminds me of an early episode of Charles in Charge where we learn that you can cha-cha to any song by going, "1-2-cha-cha-cha" (which was matched with the killer line, "One-two-I-need-you-three-four-cha-cha-Charles!" Classic).
Steve's X-Mas-Factor Rating-O-Matic
Jingle-Jangle Annoyingness Factor (scientific measurement of things like the use of kazoos, animal sounds, or Karen Carpenter, and/or time spent discussing elves)
5 (out of 10) -- This song is annoying, sure, but it is fun to go to your Mom on Christmas and keep saying, "Mamasita, donde esta Santa Claus?" until she goes "Stephen, you are seriously too old this nonsense" and then you say "I hope he don't forget to bring his castanets!" And you wouldn't be able to do that without it, so it's a push.
Also, telling Ol Fatso to get his reindeer off your roof is a pretty sweet thing.
Where's That Gift Receipt? Factor (rates whether one would actually listen to this song again)
5 (out of 10) -- See above.
That's the Spirit Factor (rates how much the song actually has to do with Christmas)
4 (out of 10) -- I'm pretty sure they don't have Christmas in Cuba or Spain or Mexico or whatever so points off for accuracy.
Total Score: 5.667
Christmas Present Equivalent: A Kid-Spy Kit with Disguise and Binoculars
Ok Mama, I go sleep now.
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